Soulprints - Amyline Quien Ching

Finding LIght Amidst the Darkness of Life

Words by Amyline Quien Ching

(This piece is memorable to me because this gave me my first writing award. Finding Light amidst the Darkness of Life won in 2004 in the La Sallian Scholarum Awards for Best Feature Story on Youth and Education. It felt nice to be recognized for something that you put your heart and soul into.)

Fate may have taken their sight but it could never wrest away their ability to see. For while they live in relative darkness and ambiguity, they see more than they could, understand life far more than most have. Handicapped they may be, they are no more disabled than some of us, people who are complete yet leading incomplete lives.

For people whose candles have been doused forever, Roselle Ambubuyog and Dianne Rose Rivera have not let circumstances get the better of them. Instead of drowning in the sea of doubts and self-pity, they took the helm of their destiny and steered their lives towards something great and noble.

“There is no handicapping condition, only handicapping mentality. In a sense, we are all equal. We are all disabled in a way… financial, emotional, mental. One needs only to find a way to rise above their disabilities,” says Roselle, who despite her blindness, graduated summa cum laude at Ateneo De Manila University (ADMU) and is now pursuing her master’s degree in Applied Math at the University of the Philippines Diliman while holding a part-time job in Freedom Scientific Line, Florida firm.

Having lived so carefree for the first six years of her life, she was not prepared for what life had in store for her on December 1987. Unable to contain her bout of asthma, her parents consulted a doctor, who prescribed four kinds of over-the-counter medicines. Little did she knew that taking each of them would result into an allergic reaction that would cost her, her eyes. “No one knew what was happening to me. Suddenly, I had blisters all over, which developed into some sort of third degree burns. Even my internal organs, my mucous membrane burned. My eyes were bleeding. It took doctors three days to finally pinpoint the problem. I had Steven Johnson’s Syndrome. They quickly gave me steroids but it was much too late for my eyes,” she relates. Steven Johnson’s may not be in most Filipinos’ medical vocabulary but it is quite prevalent abroad, being the sixth killer in the United States. What is more, anybody can be its victim.

For the six-year-old Roselle, it was the start of the end of her life. “I had so many dreams. I wanted so bad to become a doctor. I loved going to school. I loved reading books and the thought of not being able to do both really broke my heart. That was when I really cried.”

For a time, her parents tried hard to find a way to restore her eyesight. She underwent an operation and consulted with specialists abroad. All they could give her is a five percent chance. It was only when a doctor advised them to stop wasting their time and resources and just concentrate on rehabilitation that they realized that accepting the truth does not necessarily mean giving up. Her parents started taking turns reading her books, describing in detail the cartoon shows that she loved watching before.

It was that love and support that gave her the strength to rise above the dead embers that surround her life. She started to live again, to smile, clinging onto its normalcy but it just wasn’t enough. “Something was still missing. No matter how much they try to give me the normal life, I was still not normal and it felt bad to realize that,” Roselle discloses.

Studying was one of the things that she felt she had to do. Unable to find any schools nearby that accept the blind, her parents initially planned to hire private tutors. Roselle however, did not want that nor did she want to go to a school especially for the blind. “I missed the regular school environment. I want to go to a normal school.”

SEEING FOR THE FIRST TIME

Studying in an elementary school was not the rosy path that she had envisioned. Reality set in and it bites, hard. Her teachers and classmates opened her eyes to the truth that society thrives in stereotype. Not all people would accept her the way she was accepted by her family.

“When I became number one in my class, I would hear talks. Mothers of my classmates would come to my parents and tell them na naka-tsamba ako, na naawa lang sa akin. That really bothered me because I never expected that people could be so cruel,” she confides.

Though her spirit was hurting, she mustered all her will and persevered. Painful as it was, she used it to find the courage to fight, to achieve far more than she is capable of. “Before, I was content to just have good grades. The experience however taught me that it is not enough to be good, you have to be the best.” She graduated at the top of her class.

It was however not enough proof of her worth. In high school, she was initially placed in a lower section even though she was a valedictorian. It was unfair but she accepted it with grace, working even harder than before. Her teachers saw her potentials and quickly petitioned her transfer to the star sections. Teachers and students in the star sections protested but she was eventually allowed to transfer. She was just too good.

“Learning for me is not that you have to see, but that you have to understand.” Whatever their reservations, she quickly dispelled. She once again took the top honors with no special considerations. “I wanted to prove to them that I could do it, that I deserve to be there. I asked for no exceptions. I did not complain. I even attended PE classes and learned the dance just like the rest of them,” she reminisced, saying that the problem with people is that they harbor prejudices. “Just because they had a not so good experience with some blind students, they generalize it to all of us. Even with the sighted, there are people who are always late, who do not come to school.”

In no time, she was not only representing her school in Math and Science competitions but she was also winning left and right. People could not believe it that there came a time when she even had to compute mentally because schools were protesting her use of the abacus. There were even talks of cheating. One contest even refused to award her the medal. “That was a point in my life that I really got fed up. No matter what I do, I could not get pass their pre-conceived notions. Why try? During my fourth year, I lied low from the competitions and concentrated more on organizations.” Still, she graduated Valedictorian.

Ateneo was an entirely different environment. For the first time, she felt important. The university even purchased special equipments for her. “Ateneo never had any blind enrollees before. I was the first. For them to go all that way and take a big leap for me was something that I could never forget,” she reveals. Studying in the school was also an opportunity to pave the way for other blind students. “After I graduate, nobody would remember my name. What they would remember though was a blind student who graduated in Ateneo. I could open doors for others like me.” And she did.

FIGHTING HER OWN BATTLES

For Dianne Rose Rivera, to lose her eyes at that point when she was so near to realizing her dream was both heart-wrenching and life-altering. “I was so down. I reached that point that I even questioned why it had to happen to me. I was fast losing hope. When I heard of this blind student who graduated at the top of her class in Ateneo, it was like something inside me lighted up. For the first time, I saw my way,” Dianne relates.

She contacted Roselle, who helped her to see that nothing has been lost. “With the her help and the Resources for the Blind, I quickly learned to function like a normal person. I learned to read Braille and to use it in writing. I even learned to use the computer to my advantage.” Now she is able to do virtually everything with her computer. She surfs the net and types her manuscripts. She even has a friendster account. Unwilling to give up her dream… to finish college, she enrolled in Philippine Christian University, a school that accepts blind students.

After one semester, she tried to enroll in San Sebastian College-Recoletos, where she spent her first two years in college before she became blind. “Sayang yung two years that I have spent in school. PCU wanted me to start from scratch.” While Baste may have been initially reticent in admitting her, the school quickly saw her potential. Like Roselle, she never asked for any special treatment and she never gave half measures. And it was hard. She had to work twice as much as everybody else. She records classroom lectures and then transcribes it at home in Braille.

"Sometimes, I can keep up with lectures using Braille but you cannot always get all of it,” says Dianne. The hardest part for her was to accept that she could never be independent. Having fended for herself for years, she finds it a bother to have someone with her all the time. In school, she is assisted by a lady, her classmates and faculty members fondly call manang.

Though she experienced some discrimination, she is not so much bothered by it. “You can never escape discrimination. There will always be people who will treat you like are less of a person than they are.” Instead of pulling her down, it has further strengthened her resolve to do her best. Her condition not a hindrance to her social life, she also attends parties and goes out with friends while still finishing her schoolwork in time.

This year, all her hard work had paid off. She will graduate and at the same time conferred with a special citation. “I am so happy and proud that I was able to get here. Blindness should never be a hindrance. I guess I proved that to myself and to others,” she says.

THE LIGHT THAT GUIDES

For someone who has lived in the darkness, there is enough light in her to inspire everyone she meets. More than the awards that she has received, it is the fact that she has been able to guide others in their paths that validates her as a person. “What’s the point in doing something well if others could not learn from your example,” she asks.

During her graduation, a few of her classmates came up to her and mentioned how she has helped them realize what life should be about. “They were all living comfortable lives, complete lives and yet, they haven’t done anything remotely significant. Seeing me, someone who is blind, achieving what I have achieved inspired them to make something of their lives.” Having done so much, Roselle feels that it is still not enough.

For a while half of her was happy to have made a difference, the other half of her is hungry to do more. This has lead her to start Project Roselle with the Rotary Club, which donates computers and scanners for the blind. “There are many ways to rise above their disabilities but they need our help. Instead of zeroing in on their weaknesses, we must teach them to focus and develop their strengths,” she discloses, stressing the importance of education. “Education compensated for what is lacking in me. I would have been more blind had I not gone to school. No I realized how lucky I am. I just lost my sight but I didn’t lose more than that.”

FINDING THEMSELVES

Both Roselle and Dianne feels that everything that has happened in her life has been in fulfillment of this mission— to serve as an inspiration. “All my life has been according to a master plan. Back then, I was looking for a reason why God sought to blind me. Now I know,” Roselle reveals.

While others search a lifetime for their purpose, Roselle and Dianne found theirs when they lost their eyesight. Their blindness made them see the road beyond what people call Life and the kind of life beyond the road they are traversing. It made them realize that it inside themselves lie everything that they are capable of being. Their eyes may have allowed them to see the world but they it could never make them see the spirit that brings life to it. And they are lucky for though they have lost part of themselves, they have regained their whole life in the process.

posted by Amyline Quien Ching @ 6:06 PM